Am i missing something? Being new, being American, I do not understand, nor have I discovered all that is Skyrock. Why do people want to publicly announce that you are in a relationship with them when you have never corresponded? Relationships do not come easy to me. It is difficult to let someone in... to be close. Each time I allow myself that luxury, I am the one left with Nothing. To me, a relationship is a very special friendship. It's very connotation presents itself as heartfelt. I have loved twice. I have lost twice... and, I have been torn apart twice. I will not allow myself to expose that part of me ever again. I believed in those relationships. The connection was unworldly. I cannot walk in your world, nor can you walk in mine. At best, Relationships are hard to maintain. Long distance relationships are the hardest... if not impossible. I don't want to have to wonder how many others you write to. I don't want to wonder if you say the same things to them that you say to me. I don't want to wonder or reflect on you being a Player. I don't want to hurt again. Relationships fill you with pleasure, then make your heart ache with pain.
Yet... I want to love. And, without a relationship, without a connection, without chemistry, there can be no Relationship. I find those qualities impossible to master, to absorb, to inhale, to give of myself again. The pain that has followed closely behind the pleasure is too fresh to take a chance on exposing myself to it's wrath. Besides that... I still love. I have no control over that. But, I do have control with whom I establish a relationship. Not only am I not free to, right now, I choose not to.