Some days are stone. Today is one of stone. It is one of those days thoughts and memories, good and bad, creep up on me... encompassing me... obliterating thoughts of anything else. So, I try to take my mind somewhere else. But, it's too late. Tears fill my eyes, roll down my cheeks and I am, once again, back in his world where I remain as long as I can. What country is he in today? Is he sitting quietly at some quaint little place sipping his dark, red wine... lost in myriad thoughts running marathons through his head? Is he watching his beloved soccer? Is he happy? Is he sad?
How I want my hands in his damp hair as he pushes me up against the wall kissing me hungrily! How I want his touch! How I want to listen to his soft, sexy accent whispering in my ear! How I want all of him in all of me! How I miss him!
I felt ny entire body sing each time I opened another mail from him... my heart pounding so loudly I felt anyone near me could hear it, too. Reading the words he wrote hypnotized, mesmerized... intoxicated. They gave me wings to fly, reason to breathe... made me feel so very alive and he made me believe that in an ordinary life fairy tales and dreams do come true. My feet were on the ground, but my head was in the clouds. I "felt" him unlike anyone else. No one has ever made me feel as he did... as he still does each time I think of him. There was no one like him before and I can't fathom there being anyone like him again.
Realistically, he definitely had his faults... some I subconsciously refused to acknowledge and some I completely ignored. Now, he's gone. Gone! A phrase associated with Edgar Allen Poe states, "Never more." With an aching heart, I know that to be true. I have never known a man like him before, nor have I since. I never will. He was and remains an enigma. I loved everything about him... except the empty words and broken promises. In spite of them, I still love him. I always will. He remains inside my heart, as well as inside all of me. There are no more words that can or will be said, but so very many that can and will be written.
Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, I miss you dearly. And, after all this time, I still love you. I did from the moment we met and I always will.